


(whatever they tell you) dancing's not a crime

by aletterinthenameofsanity



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, And it's actually what averts the apocalypse, Crack Treated Seriously, Dave is from the modern day, Ghosts, Klaus goes on Dancing With The Stars, Lesbian Character of Color, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Recovery, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Sibling Bonding, and I'm NOT kidding, swear to god
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-05-18 20:34:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19342120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aletterinthenameofsanity/pseuds/aletterinthenameofsanity
Summary: dude,Rick from the wrestling league texts Diego one night,i think your brother's on dancing with the starsDiego blinks at the phone for a few very long moments. He isn't quite sure he read that right. Maybe he's sleep-deprived.Eventually, he just decides to ask:My brother's on Dancing With The Stars?The response is quick:yeah- the crazy 1 who said he could see dead people or some shit like thatWell, he's got nothing to do tonight, why not watch this shit go down?What channel?-As Klaus and Dave walk away from the interviewer, Klaus can't help but be distracted by Dave's blindingly proud grin."Fantastic job, Klaus," Dave says, and it feels like God herself is finally smiling down at him.(Klaus is sweatier than he's ever been in his life, his hair is a mess, and he's been sober for five fucking brutal weeks, but there's a buzz in his veins that's harder and heavier than anything he's ever felt before. It’s almost (almost being the key word) enough to distract from the ghosts hovering at the edges of Klaus’ vision.)





	1. Week 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Dancing's Not A Crime" by Panic! At The Disco.
> 
> So, I'm playing fast and loose with canon in this fic. Luther never got into the accident that turned him into an ape and thus didn't get sent to the moon, some dates will change, Allison has shared custody of Claire despite the divorce, good ol' Reggie's not dead (yet), and so on. This is mostly a really fun idea I had that spiralled a bit out of control, and I hope you guys have as much fun as I did.
> 
> (Also, my trashy reality shows are Project Runway and Survivor, not Dancing With The Stars, so though I did my research please forgive me for any mistakes I might make. Take them as artistic license or something, if you don't mind.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dance that Dave and Klaus do is to the song "Dance" by DNCE, in case anyone cares.

**dude,**  Rick from the wrestling league texts Diego one night, **i think your brother's on dancing with the stars**

Diego blinks at the phone for a few very long moments. He isn't quite sure he read that right. Maybe he's sleep-deprived- he  _has_ been awake chasing the answers on a case since yesterday morning.

Eventually, he just decides to ask:  **My brother's on Dancing With The Stars?**

The response is quick: **yeah- the crazy 1 who said he could see dead people or some shit like that**

(Oh, Klaus. Of course it's Klaus. Diego's a bit shocked that it's not Allison- as she's an  _actual_ star- but he's not too shocked that it's Klaus, out of the rest of them. Klaus is the most flamboyant of them, after all.)

Well, he's got nothing to do tonight, why not watch this shit go down?  **What channel?**

 **abc** , Rick says,  **my ma loves it- she said she saw ur bro in the group # at the beginning**

 **Thanks,** Diego texts Rick.

Now, Diego doesn't think he's ever seen an episode of Dancing With the Stars in full. He never had any interest to, after all. He didn't even get access to television until he hit the police academy, and when he did, he mostly watched shows that Patch recommended to him. Which, to be honest, was the strangest mix of crime dramas, cooking shows, and Disney movies. There wasn't a lot of reality TV in there save Patch's cooking shows, and so nearly all of what Diego knows of the show is that it's a show where B-list or lower celebrities go and dance with professional dancers for a few weeks. Beyond that, he knows jack shit.

So Diego turns on the TV to ABC and Diego does a quick google of his brother’s name and _Dancing With The Stars_ as he waits for the commercial to be over, and, well-

Of fucking course Klaus is half of the first same-gender pair in the history of the show, because of course he is. Klaus can always be relied upon to do the most contrary thing he can.

Well, now that that's done- well, Diego supposes that he wants answers. Was he the only one left out of the loop? Obviously Allison knows, as how else would Klaus get the job, but what about their other siblings? Was he the last to know?

(He better not have fucking been the last to know.) 

So, with a couple of minutes left in the commercial, Diego dials the number of his only other living brother.

“Diego?” Luther asks, sounding actually confused by Diego calling him. “Why are you calling?”

Alright, Diego can exactly remember the last time he actually called Luther. To be honest, he actually thinks that the last time he straight-up talked to Luther was at Ben's funeral. So Diego  gets the tone of confusion in Luther's voice when he picks up the phone.

“I know this is a weird question,” Diego says, “But did you know that Klaus was going to be on Dancing With the Stars?”

Diego can almost _hear_ Luther's brain trying to process the words that he just said. “Klaus is on _what_?” Luther eventually says, sounding as if he can’t believe the words coming out of his own mouth.

“Dancing with the Stars,” Diego repeats. “Apparently being a former superhero is enough to get on the show nowadays.”

Then he hears the strangest thing from his brother. Or maybe, it isn't that strange, as he's pretty sure that Luther's motivation to watch the show is not exactly sentimental oh, but rather a sort of scientific curiosity. Diego is not going to deny the fact that it was mostly scientific curiosity on his behalf that caused him to turn on the show, after all.

“What channel is it on?” Luther asks.

“ABC,” Diego says, “Channel 8.1. His performance hasn’t come on yet, which google says means he should be decently good if he's showing late in the night?"

"Klaus? Good at dancing?" Now Luther just sounds even  _more_ confused, if that was at all possible.

And Diego hates to agree with his brother on anything- absolutely  _anything_ \- so he just frowns. "Of course he is," Diego says, though he has absolutely no evidence to support such a claim.

"Klaus has always been last in every training exercize we've executed," Luther begins, utilizing his "I'm-right-because-I'm-Number-One-and-the-leader" voice, and Diego has reached his tolerance level for his brother today.

"Just watch our brother in the damn show," Diego says, cutting off Luther, and then hangs up without further preamble. He and Luther have never been more for courtesy- or, well, talking to each other at all

And, then, well, Diego has the feeling that Allison probably knows, as that's probably how Klaus got the job (because how else would a reality TV show find a recovering junkie ex-superhero), and, well, two brothers are either dead or still unaccounted for, so that just leaves...

Well, that leaves Vanya. Can't believe he nearly forgot her. (Again.)

Diego guesses that Vanya should probably know too, as this isn't likely to be something that will ever happen again, and hopefully before Klaus actually performs (which looks like it could be any minute now), so he dials her number.

"Klaus is on Dancing With The Stars," he says, cutting to the chase like he didn't with Luther.

"He's what?" Vanya says, somehow even more confused to hear Diego's voice than Luther was.

"You at home?"

"Yes?" Vanya replies, but she makes it sound like a question.

"Then turn on your TV. Channel 8.1. Klaus is performing soon, and we should probably watch. Up to you, though."

"Um, thanks," Vanya says in that quiet, polite voice of hers, and he nods.

"You're welcome," Diego says, "Now, goodbye," he says, because that's what you do, and though he barely knows her, he does like Vanya better than he likes Luther.

"Goodbye, Diego," Vanya says, almost sounding  _happy_ , and then hangs up the phone.

Diego sighs and drops his phone to his bed next to him. God, that was exhausting- probably more draining than the seven hours of boxing practice/rounds Diego's gone through already today. Diego hasn't talked this much to his siblings since Ben's funeral- and all of it without a stutter. He's so glad he's going to not be leaving his room until tomorrow morning.

So by the time Klaus and his partner- Dave- get their small intro, Vanya, Diego, and Luther are all watching their respective TVs. Or, at least, Diego thinks they are- he assumes they started watching TV after his conversations with them. 

But Diego's not that focused on his siblings in their homes, though, not when Klaus is on the TV in front of him.

And shit, Klaus looks healthier than Diego’s seen in years. His skin isn’t that usual pale, almost sickly shade, and though he’s still wearing a rather fantastic level of makeup, it serves to accentuate the color of his eyes, not their bloodshot nature.

Diego barely takes in any information about Klaus’ dance partner, a man named Dave Katz, he’s so focused on how healthy and actually, genuinely happy his brother looks. He thinks he hears something about this being Dave’s first year on the show, something to do with his background in the army or something, but he can’t focus on that, not when Klaus looks focused and determined, eyes clear, for the first time since (Diego thinks) Five disappeared.

Then the intro transfers over to the actual dance floor, where Klaus is positioned at the top of a short staircase, wearing a pretty eye-catching outfit- a dark purple silk button-up with the two top buttons unbuttoned, black skinny pants, and shined black shoes- that is somehow still not as flamboyant as his usual clothes. On the floor below him is his partner, a solid yet not too burly man in a white button-up, suspenders, and black slacks that Diego recognizes from the intro, holding a position with his arm outstretched towards Klaus.

“Now, dancing the Cha-Cha,” the Announcer declares as a pop song- Diego's pretty sure it's by DNCE- starts to play, “Klaus Hargreeves and his partner Dave Katz!”

And then Klaus and his partner start dancing, and yeah, Klaus's dancing has some definite flaws, but it turns out that he is pretty damn good at this whole thing. Diego knows that he's not an expert at all, but he _has_ learned a few dance moves from Patch, and the Umbrella Academy kids _did_ learn how to waltz when they were kids. From what Diego can tell, for his first dance on a nationally viewed TV show, Klaus is doing just fine for himself.

The song ends and Diego, to his utter shock, actually finds himself cheering just a little from his bed. Whatever he expected- well, it wasn't this. This level of skill, this level of talent, this level of  _dedication_. He hasn't known Klaus to want to do anything productive their entire lives. He hasn't known Klaus to put effort into anything other than getting high.

The scores come back after a few comments from the judges, and they’re good, especially for the first night- 8, 8, 7.

Well, fuck. It looks Klaus actually might go pretty far. 

 **He's actually really good,** a text from Vanya says halfway through the next couple's dance, almost as if she'd hesitated in sending it, and though Diego doesn't reply he can't help but agree.

Well, Diego thinks he's going to be making Dancing With The Stars a routine thing each week, at least until Klaus gets eliminated.

Fuck, he's gotta find a way to convince Patch, or, well, anybody to watch the show with him. He can't handle watching people other than his brother try to dance without _someone_ there to keep him from going insane.

* * *

As Klaus and Dave walk away from the interviewer, Klaus can't help but be distracted by Dave's blindingly proud grin.

"Fantastic job, Klaus," Dave says, and it feels like God herself is finally smiling down at him. Klaus has never had anyone he cares about be proud of him before, compliment his performance on anything, and here comes Dave, a seasoned professional, telling him that he was "fantastic."

(Klaus is sweatier than he's ever been in his life, his hair is a mess, and he's been sober for five fucking brutal weeks, but there's a buzz in his veins that's harder and heavier than anything he's ever felt before. It’s almost ( _almost_ being the key word) enough to distract from the ghosts hovering at the edges of Klaus’ vision.)

"Thanks," Klaus says, "You were pretty great too." Because Klaus may have a number of talents- pickpocketing, not dying, seeing ghosts, knowing exactly how many pills you can hide in the seams of a coat, kissing, and apparently dancing- knowing how to confidently flirt is not one of them.

"Just imagine how much we're going to wow the judges next week," Dave says, still holding onto that proud grin of his, and Klaus can only imagine the level of difficulty their next dance is going to be. He's actually looking forward to that, though, and it's not  _just_ because he's going to get to spend the majority of the upcoming week in the wonderfully muscular arms of Dave Katz.

"I plan on it," Klaus confirms, because yes, he really needs to work on his flirting skills/tact, because even if a man makes him feel like this, said man is still his partner in this competition. He's got to keep up some kind of good relationship with Dave- whether platonic or romantic or sexual, any will work- in order to keep this competition working.

- 

That night, after everyone's scores are tallied and Klaus and Dave are declared safe second (fucking second, they were that good), Klaus parts ways with Dave in the backstage.

"See you tomorrow," Dave says, and Klaus smiles at his dance partner before heading off to his small-ass dressing room which is still somehow nicer than any place Klaus has ever stayed before.

His phone (lovingly paid for by Allison, in the only attempt she's made over the years until now to take care of Klaus) is lit up on the table when he opens the door, the notifications pouring in after his performance.

So Klaus plops down on a chair to check the messages. There are plenty from people he's long forgotten and unknown numbers from various hook-ups he's probably given his number to over the years. 

In total, there are four from people he actually cares about: three from various siblings, and one from Dave.

 **Good job, man,** reads Diego's. **Didn't know you had that in you.**

 **You did fantastically** , reads Allison's. **Claire absolutely loved it and Jamie's thrilled you got such a high score for the first night!**

Right, Jamie. Allison’s manager, the one who turned down the Dancing With The Stars offer for Allison- apparently Allison’s got too many commitments to take time away to film- and had offered up Klaus’ name instead.

(Klaus is still not sure whether to be thankful or not.)

Vanya- tiny, kind little Vanya- texted him:  **That was actually quite beautiful, Klaus.**

Now, Allison’s text was to be expected- she’s the one he got the job through, after all. But his other siblings? Not so much.

Yeah, Klaus would be the first person to admit that though he loves his siblings, he doesn’t have much faith in their capacity to pay attention to him or care about what he’s doing, unless he’s actively fucking up their lives.

The only interactions he's had with Diego since Ben's funeral have been the times that Diego has gotten him out of binds- jail, rehab, etc. Diego has been there Klaus, but only in the worst moments. No other times.

(Diego can be counted on to be there when things go bad- very, very bad, life-threateningly bad- but not the other times. The good, okay, and mediocre times.)

And Vanya? Well, their only meaningful interactions were from when they were children, when Klaus was the most useless of the actually-powered kids and she was the kid with no powers. They'd bonded, a little, over that small fact, and when Klaus hadn't been hanging out with Ben he'd spent a decent(ish) amount of time with her. 

(Sure, Vanya never got locked in the mausoleum or anything near that bad, but she  _was_ excluded. She did feel worthless. And Klaus, well- he'd related to that. Hard. He'd understood that sense of being  _other_ because of his powers' lack of practicality.)

Now, the last text is the one Klaus actually has a pertinent interest in, beyond curiosity over his siblings finally reaching out.

 **Wanna grab some coffee tomorrow, before practice?** Says Dave's, and Klaus can't hold back a smile. He's learned plenty about Dave since they started practice for this show, and he knows that Dave got kicked out (well, not officially, but close enough) of the Army when he came out as gay only a year after going in. Dave had returned to dance- which he'd won competitions for in high school- and the rest had been history.

Needless to say, though, Dave's gay. And definitely Klaus' type. _And_ could possibly, maybe, be interested in Klaus- winning combination.

"You  _like_ him, don't you?" Ben asks from the corner of the room, and Klaus looks up at his late brother.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Klaus teases.

"You like him," Ben repeats, this time without the upward inflection at the end of the sentence. This isn't a question- this is a smug confirmation.

Klaus grins at his favorite brother. "The question is rather whether he likes  _me_ , brother dear-"

"Well, congratulations on snagging yourself a date," another ghostly voice says, "But we've gotta focus on the more important things at hand, such as your footwork."

Klaus turns to find his secret weapon standing in the corner of the room. Natalie Jefferson, an African-American dancer murdered back in the early 80s, was one of the first ghosts he actually sat down and talked to after officially going sober for this whole thing, starting about a month and a half ago. (It had really helped his anxiety that she hadn't screamed at him like most ghosts do. The girl who'd poisoned her had died merely a year after Natalie did in a car accident, and Natalie hasn't really had a need for revenge in the years since.)

Natalie's been a real help, not just on acclimating him to having more ghosts in his life, but also for dance. She's practiced in a number of the ballroom dances that he's going to have to do over the next few weeks (or, well, just however long Klaus can last in this competition), and she takes no shit from Klaus in her critiques. While Dave is quietly firm and rather encouraging, Natalie is no-nonsense and perfectly willing to curse at Klaus when he fucks up. Both techniques are really helping him, to be honest.

"My footwork?" Klaus says, raising an eyebrow just to see her reaction. "I thought it was perfect."

"You're not an idiot, man," she says, a twinkle in her eyes. "You know you fucked up some of those turns.  _And_ your legs weren't straight enough. Your kicks lacked power, too."

Klaus grins. "But I still killed it, didn't I?"

"For your first attempt on a stage, in front of hundreds of people?" Her stern expression softens just a little. "Yeah, you actually didn't do half bad." Klaus winks and she rolls her eyes. "But that doesn't mean that you're anywhere near great. We've just gotta make you more." She glances at his phone in disdain. "Which means you can't be making cow-eyes at your boytoy while you're practicing or performing- it'll distract you too much from the performance."

"You're a hardass, you know?" Ben asks, and Natalie shrugs with the grace of a ballet dancer.

"It's what works," she says. "You can't get good at something without utter dedication.

Klaus snorts, and Natalie turns to face him with a raised eyebrow. "Something I say funny to you?" she asks him, voice sharp but not pissed off.

"You know who you remind me of?" Klaus asks.

"Who?" Natalie asks.

"My father," he says, voice still jovial but a certain pain not fully absent from his eyes. "He used to sound just like that- still does, I assume, though I haven't seen him since the day my brother died. You had to be the best at all costs, no matter how much you or anyone else got hurt. Ends justified the means, and all that shit." He looks her straight in the eye, as he rarely does anyone. "I'm gonna get good at this, I promise," Klaus says, "But fuck me if I don't flirt with the guy I like because of some fear of not being good enough."

Ben reaches out a hand for a high-five, and Klaus returns it with a crooked smile.

"Alright," Natalie says, "If that's how you want to train, then we'll do it your way. As long as you promise to push whatever emotions you're feeling into the dance, in whatever way can be appropriate."

"Oh, I promise," Klaus says, "We're due for a tango soon, right?" Ben nods, and Klaus winks at Natalie. "I can always channel all of this pent-up sexual tension into that, scandalize the good ol' baby boomer Americans watching. Sounds like a grand ol' time."

"Well, if you plan to have a grand 'ol time scandalizing the boomers  _and_ meeting the boy in morning, you've gotta get some sleep, Klaus," Natalie says, returning to true task-master form. "So you need to wipe the makeup off of your face, change clothes, and grab a taxi to that lovely hotel room that your sister's manager is paying for you to stay in while you're in the city."

"Brilliant idea, boss," Klaus says, giving her a mock-salute with the sobriety chip he's slipped out of the pocket on the back of his phone case. "I'll get right on it." He grabs for a makeup wipe and begins the process, leaving Ben and Natalie to find themselves seats to do whatever they want in the meantime.

"This is either going to be an utter disaster or the best thing I've seen in my three and a half decades of being dead," Natalie says to Ben, and he grins at her.

"Couldn't agree more," he says, and Klaus pauses in brushing his hair to give them both a  _look_.

"It's going to be the best thing, of course," Klaus says, "Can't win the boy without a good dance, after all."

"Not that I would know anything about that," Natalie says with a small smirk, "For a wide variety of reasons, but dance  _can_ always help- if you do it right." There's a bit of flint in her gaze as she says that, as if she's still stuck on him refusing to stop his crush on Dave, and Klaus just shrugs.

"Always glad to take your advice, Nat," he says with a winning smile.

"Only if it suits your motives," Ben says, and Klaus pouts, showing off his now lipstick-free lips.

"You're supposed to be on my side, Benjamin," Klaus says, and Ben just smirks.

"You gave me a rational ghost who can actually keep you in check, Klaus. How am I not supposed to agree with her?"

"At least one of the Hargreeves brothers has his priorities straight," Natalie says, offering Ben a high-five low on the table, and Ben instantly takes her up on the offer. A small pang goes through Klaus' chest- though Ben's been getting steadily closer to corporeal, actual high-fives are still far apart in frequency. 

(Yeah, getting sober wasn't just for the show, though he probably wouldn't have otherwise gotten the push to do it without the contract specifiying no drugs. Going sober also gave him an extension on his powers and the ability to touch his brother for the first time in years- near priceless, even if he has to deal with the ghosts that, unlike Natalie, are nowhere near friendly.)

"And _this_ Hargreeves brother has  _nothing_ straight," Klaus jokes even as he starts to unbutton his shirt so that he can change, "So I think we're covered."

"God, this is going to be a very long competition," Natalie sighs, and Klaus grins.

"Let's hope it is," he says, "We might even pull off a win, that way. Make dear ol' sis proud, net me a boyfriend, show Dad where he can stick it when the "useless" one shows up with national attention and love that he never gave us." Alright, that came out a bit more bitter than he'd planned, but the point still stands.

Natalie's smile is sharp when she nods. "We're gonna get you that win, just watch us."

"I'll be all too happy to hold you to that," Klaus says, pulling on a far more comfortable top than the one they had him in, throwing his favorite fur-lined jacket over top of it. Not the most matching look in the world, but he's never quite cared about that.

"See that you do," Natalie says, "I never got the chance to win Night At The Apollo back in my day- helping you win this might just fulfill that "unfinished business" section of my ghosthood."

It's a far cry from revenge, but Klaus has got to say that he prefers it to the bloodthirsty screaming he usually gets from ghosts. It's far more practical, to begin with, and it is also the first "unfinished business" that in any way can help  _him_.

"We can definitely help with that," Klaus says, quickly slipping off his pants and slides on a pair of jeans in their place, tugging on his combat boots over top of those. He pats down his whole outfit and his face, where he's only reapplied his eyeshadow. "Alright, kids, time to go home and sleep so that Drill Master Natalie doesn't kill me before I get to grab coffee with the man of my dreams!"

"Now  _that's_ what I'm talking about," Natalie says, standing up from her seat, and Ben quickly follows as well as they head out the door to the taxi.


	2. Week 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song in this chapter is "My Type" by Saint Motel.
> 
> Also, more Ben & Natalie friendship, Klaus/Dave action, and Vanya&Diego&Luther take the first steps to communicating again.
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed this despite how later the chapter is!

Natalie almost sighs when she appears by Klaus’s side the next morning and finds him making out with his dance partner. Of course the boy did it. _Of course_ it only took him one coffee date to get his dance partner to make out with him. Klaus has always been the kind of person to go after what he wants and get it, fuck everyone's opinions around him- of course he's going to make a move this quickly.

Well, if there's one thing Natalie can take from the situation, it's that she can at least be comforted by the fact that attitudes have definitely changed since she was alive. There is no way in hell that she ever would have considered kissing a girl on the street like Klaus is doing with Dave against the back wall of this cafe.

So instead of staying by Klaus's side, she winks over to his apartment, where Ben is just hanging out, not in a corporeal state, but just kind of chilling by himself. It's definitely a lot better than staying in the Void, though it does take a bit of effort for Natalie to stay in the terrestrial realm of things when Klaus is a few streets over rather than just next to her.

“So,” Natalie says, “Do you know anything about the plans for dancing this week?”

“Well,” Ben says, “I don't know much, but before I left Klaus's side, I think Dave mentioned something about a salsa. And I don't think he was ordering a taco.”

Alright, salsa. Natalie catalogues that detail for her planning for the week and how best to help Klaus prepare (and how best to critique) his performance for the week.

Natalie arches an eyebrow. “Did you get the theme?”

Ben shakes his head. “No, I left before my brother and Dave started flirting too heavily. You know, gave them some privacy.”

Natalie gives him a disapproving look. “Really? You didn't get me the theme?”

Ben raises an eyebrow in return. “You had to have just come from Klaus in order to be here,” he points out, “And you didn't get a theme either?"

"Well," Natalie retorts, sitting down on the sofa, "They were actively making out when I got there. Not exactly a way I could ask questions.”

Ben’s nose scrunches up. “I’m happy for Klaus, I _really_ am, but I did not need that image in my head. Some things a brother shouldn’t have to hear."

Now, Natalie can't exactly blame him for that- she herself had a brother, once, and she  _definitely_ wouldn't have wanted to see Aaron making out with a girl- but  _still_ , she'll have to wait an extra couple of hours to start planning on how to help Klaus, which is a fucking nightmare. How in the world is she supposed to help this guy win the competition if she can't start him training as soon as possible?

So she sighs and sinks back into the sofa next to Ben. "Well, I've got nothing to do in the meantime, then," she says, "I guess we can watch the next episode of Great British Bake Off."

Ben grins. "You do love that show, don't you?"

"It's a fucking brilliant show, Benjamin."

-

Knowing that her brother is on Dancing With The Stars isn’t the most world-shattering realization in the world, to be honest. It’s something out of an almost absurdly surreal dream, yes, but what part of Vanya’s life _isn’t_? She's the sister of superheroes and was born by a virgin mother. There's not much crazier that life can get.

What’s _actually_ the earth-shattering part of the last week is that she’s actually been keeping up an infrequent but semi-consistent text conversation with Diego, as well as a much more enthusiastic text chat with Klaus, neither of which she would have predicted even an hour before Dancing With The Stars came on last week.

From Diego, she's been mostly learning a couple of things about his job, interspersed among conversations about Klaus' chances this week. Diego seems to really be looking forward to Latin week, texting Vanya plenty of info about Latin dancing that he's apparently picked up from a friend of his at his gym.

From Klaus, she's learning plenty details about the rehearsals for the show, which are apparently pretty intense. He keeps dropping hints about how much he likes Dave, including a text entirely consisting of " **!!!!!!!!** " one morning that he later explains meant that he and Dave made out. He keeps sending her long texts that take three or four messages to tell, and, to be honest, she really loves it. This is more interaction with Klaus than she's had since Five disappeared.

And, well, Vanya's got to admit that she really likes getting these texts from Diego and Klaus. After years of being alone, of being forgotten- well, this feels like being remembered. This feels like being, well, not necessarily  _cared_ about, definitely not  _loved_ , but definitely  _something_. Like she's at least their acquaintance, or even their friend, if not their sister.

Vanya sits down for this week's Dancing With The Stars episode with her phone sitting next to her on the couch, and her day only gets weirder when Diego texts her after the group number: **I bet Luther ten bucks that Klaus could score three 9s this week.**

Wait a minute, _Luther_ knows about the Klaus-on-DWTS-thing? Even though he's still living with Father? How in the world did he find out? Was it through Diego texting him, too?

Well, however Luther found out, if Vanya's honest, she thinks Diego’s going to lose that bet. Not because Klaus doesn’t have the _potential_ to get three 9s, and rather quickly, but week 2 is _very_ early to score three 9s for any star that doesn’t have a background in dance. 

Then Klaus' dance comes on, and he gets two 8s and a 7- not bad, certainly, but not to Diego's faith in him, either.

What the dance  _is_ , though, is very...sensual, Vanya would have to say. It's a salsa, so it has to be, but unlike last week, when Klaus and Dave danced with an almost friendly distance between them, this week the distance is nearly non-existent. Their gazes are trained on each others' faces, and the music is clearly more sexual than last week's, even if it's just as energetic.

The clothing certainly lends to that impression, too- his clothing is far more revealing this week, just a red silk vest over a pair of rather tight black leather pants. Dave's more covered up than him, with his skin-tight black silk button-up and black slacks, but there's still clearly a tension between them.

All in all, the dance makes a statement. What kind of statement, Vanya's not entirely sure, but a statement it  _does_ make. Then again, this  _is_ Klaus they're talking about, who back-talked Dad and got hooked on drugs at age fourteen and used to talk to ghosts, even as a kid, just to piss Dad off. This is the man who walks around in skirts and fur coats and was the first Hargreeves sibling to wear Mom's high heels. Vanya doesn't think Klaus is capable of  _not_ making a statement.

So Vanya doesn't know dance, not at all. She's never even really watched this show before. But she knows that Klaus is  _definitely_ doing what he's supposed to do, just like last week.

 **Did you see Klaus tonight?** She eventually decides to text Luther before the final dance of the night, because, well, fuck it, she guesses? If Luther's been talking to Diego, making bets with him about Klaus- well, maybe he won't mind if she tries texting him.

(Maybe he won't think of her as useless, as a freak, if it's in the context of discussing Klaus and his appearance on a reality show.

 **Diego owes me $10** , comes the reply a few minutes later, and Vanya actually finds herself giggling, because of all the things that could be the first thing her brother says to her in years, of course this is it. This is the petty, competitive thing that Diego and Luther would participate in, even eleven years after Diego moved out of the house.

And it makes her feel a bit at ease, if she's feeling honest. She remembers plenty of these stupid bets that Diego and Luther had as kids behind Dad's back, bets that were as stupid and ridiculous as the days were long. She  _knows_ this pattern. It's almost comforting, remembering the days before Five's disappearance dug such a great rift between them all that Vanya can't imagine ever finding something that will fill it.

(Except, maybe, somehow, Klaus being on Dancing With The Stars. Yeah, never in a million years would Vanya have anticipated  _that_.)

 **Tell me about it,** she texts back with a small smile on her lips, and waits for Luther's response.

-

Giving Dave permission to absolutely _go for it_ in adding romantic subtext to their dances has got to be one of the best decisions that Klaus has ever done. As great as last week’s dance was, this week’s was fucking _fun_ to do work on, even with the aches in his muscles.

And the reaction from the crowd and the judges- well, a large portion of the demographic of this show is definitely too old to appreciate two guys just going for it on the dance floor like that, but the judges had certainly enjoyed their performance, as they'd practically rhapsodized about the energy of the dance before critiquing his footwork- which Natalie is going to have a field day about, no doubt.

And Klaus is perfectly correct about Natalie- she pops up as soon as Klaus enters the back hallway to head to the dressing rooms and reams him out for his sloppy footwork in the middle of the dance, before eventually ending with a begrudging, "But you  _did_ maintain the spirit of the dance and I could feel your sexual tension from across the floor, so I guess you did  _that_ right."

Klaus grins. "Glad you could read the mood in the room."

Natalie arches an eyebrow. "Have you fucked him yet?"

Klaus winks. "What do you think?"

"That the dance was just sensual enough to tell me that your date on Monday was successful, but that it wasn't sexual enough to say that you'd fucked him yet."

"Well, you'd be right on that," Klaus says as he glances back behind him to see if Dave's finished with talking to one of the other professional dancers.

Natalie rolls her eyes. "I'll be back tomorrow morning for your dance style  _and_ theme, and you better not be making out with your boy when I show up."

Klaus gives her a mock-salute. "Whatever you say, ma'am."

Natalie's stern expression softens a little. "Get changed, get some water, and get some sleep. You can't win exhausted and drained."

Klaus holds up his hand for a high-five, which Natalie reluctantly returns. "Thanks for the advice, coach."

She rolls her eyes. "I'm gonna go talk with your brother for a few minutes- you better be there within five- and don't pretend like I haven't seen you watching for your partner."

"Priorities, Nat," Klaus says, parroting Natalie's oft-used phrase back at her.

"Priorities, Klaus," Natalie repeats back with a little bit of an edge to her voice before she turns on the heel of ballet flat and heads back to his dressing room just as Dave turns the corner.

Dave raises an eyebrow at Klaus. “Who was that girl you were just talking to?” He asks, no suspicion in his voice, merely curiosity. “I’ve never seen her before.”

Klaus’ jaw nearly drops, all the nonchalance he was using with Natalie disappearing in an instant. “You saw her?” he asks, and Dave nods.

“Why?” Dave asks, “Was I not supposed to?”

“Uh, kinda,” Klaus says, unsure how in the _world_ someone other than him saw a ghost. “You quite _literally_ shouldn’t have been able to see her. At all.”

Dave, though easily one of the most nonplussed guys in the world, is looking just slightly puzzled right now. “What do you mean?”

Klaus groans. “Dave, that was Natalie. And she died in 1983.”

“She was a ghost, is what you’re saying,” Dave says, and Klaus nods. Dave seems to be taking this pretty well.

Then Dave gives Klaus the widest smile he’s ever seen. “Alright, then,” Dave says, “I am most definitely going to have fun choreographing the Hollywood night dance, if we get to it.”

What. The. Fuck? “What now?” Klaus asks, unsure how Dave jumped to _that_ from ghosts.

“Imagine the shit we could pull off with a ghost theme. The unfinished business, a graveyard, the long-lost lover returned from the grave...oh, the possibilities are endless!"

Klaus’ brain, for all he’s been hoping for, stutters on that last one. “Wait, did you just say long-lost lovers returned from the grave?” he asks.

“I don't make out with just any man, Klaus,” Dave says, and Klaus supposes that it's supposed to be suave and confident, but he can see the blush in Dave's cheeks. Despite the fact that Dave is practicing Reform Jewish, that he makes a living as a dancer in one of the most liberal cities in the U.S., he still retains certain Southern sensibilities, a certain awkward charm that he picked up during his childhood in Virginia.

Now it's Klaus' turn to give a smile that's half-smirk, half-gleeful. "You don't, do you?"

Dave smiles, and there's no smugness, just a joyful grin. "No, I don't." Then he steps forward, and-

Klaus finds his lips on Dave's, and he can't deny that it's pretty fucking awesome.

(Just wait 'til he tells Ben, Natalie, and Vanya about  _this_.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for how short this is- the plot kicks into high gear in Week 4 and Vanya&Luther&Diego's friendship really starts to blossom in Week 3, so this just has to be written to kick off a couple of things for both Vanya&Luther&Diego as well as Dave's dance concepts.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, does anyone want to see a continuation? Because I've got a lot of ideas and plans and character development I want to write, as well as notes for dances and the like. (Also the appearance of our favorite boy Five, as well, and the non-Apocalypse.) I'm really excited for this 'verse, and I hope you all are as well.


End file.
